It has been awhile blog! And oh, how I have missed you. Since my last blog (late April), I have been living through peace collisions… sometimes behaving appropriately. Sometimes behaving poorly…
A catch up/the last few months
Meredith and I are expecting A BABY! (it’s a girl… she is already perfect)
-Graduated Seminary
-Grandpa Hopping passed away
-Moved from Chicago to Macomb, IL
-Started working as the Wesley Foundation Director/pastor at WIU (wiuwesley.com)
-Started working as the worship director at Wesley UMC in Macomb
-Done some remodeling/painting/etc in our new home
-Many doctor visits
-Many interactions with new friends and acquaintances (you know that not everyone
we meet becomes our friend… sad but true. I’ve been working on loving people I
come into contact with).
-I’m sure there have been some other things but these have been my main foci
Meredith and I are doing well! The move has been stressful in some ways. I has been beautiful in others. I remain convinced that peace collisions are a very present part of our lives.
Until next time! peace to you!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Let Us Be Prophets
Courtroom Television
My grandmother loved Judge Wapner. Do you remember that show? It is still on I believe, with a different Judge as ‘The Peoples Court’. Anyhow, I mention that because as I was lazily flipping through channels this morning, I came across a day time court room show and got caught up in it for a bit.
A father had come to court to sue his daughter, who had asked him to cosign on her lease so that she and her two children, five and thirteen, could get an apartment. After three months of living in the apartment the daughter came upon some difficult times, couldn’t pay the bills and so the father’s role as a cosigner kicked in.
He was suing his daughter for something like $2,375. The daughter’s defense was that her father, as a father, should be willing to help out his daughter when she comes upon difficult times, “That is what parents should do,” she cried.
The thing about those shows is that since they are televised there is a dramatic element included. The plaintiff and defendant are allowed, encouraged and probed to share personal information about their lives and relationships. In this particular case it came to light that when the daughter was around thirteen or so her mother passed away. The father is in the navy and was at the time of his wife’s death as well. So the daughter shared that she had never really known her father. He was always gone and when he was there… HE really wasn’t… there.
As the story continued, we found out that even when the father was home, he was abusive and/or drunk, kicking the daughter out of the house over simple arguments. The father said, “Well a child has to learn from their mistakes.” The daughter then shared that at one point she was removed from the house because her father had hit her. And so as the courtroom drama continued all this STUFF, all of these collisions began to surface. So much so that the father, in defending his claims brought to the judge that his daughter makes bad decisions. He claimed that, “that is why we are here. She makes bad decisions. Her husband is in jail. That is proof enough.” From the time that the daughter entered the courtroom she was weeping. It was as if she couldn’t handle being scolded and ridiculed any longer. The father had scorn in his eyes. It was as if he wanted to ‘fix’ her, once and for all.
Prophets
I keep thinking about that bible story when Jesus talks about a prophet having no honor in his or her own town. Now, if you dislike ‘bible stories’, its all good. But the stories, even outside of the Christian perspective are good stories, so try to stick with me for a minute.
In all four of the gospels Jesus says something along the lines of, “Only in his own town, among his relatives and in his own house, is a prophet without honor.” (this quote taken from Mark 6).
I know how this quote is generally used, but a couple of weeks ago, I went to speak at my old high school and was FREAKING out about it. My freak out led me to meditating, which led me to this verse. I started thinking that it is not only about how the family, relatives, friends, etc see the ‘prophet’ but also how the ‘prophet’ sees him or her self. The story is also about insecurity. So one of the many ways of reading this story, if you will allow me to put it into my own words, is to say, “A prophet is without honor when they do not remember that they are good, that they have something to say, that they have a story, a perspective, a gift, something to offer.” This insecurity that the prophet faces is heightened when the family and relatives and crowds support that insecurity through jerky behaviors. But jerky behavior is heightened when insecurity supports jerky behavior.
So our father and daughter are in this courtroom and lets say that they are both prophets. They both come into this room to share what is on their hearts.
Do you know the story of Jonah? Jonah is a prophet but he displays something about prophets that not many other Jewish prophets display. In the Jewish and Christian traditions we don’t get a lot of Jonah behavior presented to us. One of the things that the Jonah story shows us is that a prophet, among their many other duties has the responsibility of acknowledging their wrong. A prophet is someone then, who shares truth and willingly humbles themselves when they have acted a fool, lied, stolen, lusted, betrayed, slandered, etc, etc, etc.
So two prophets are in a courtroom. A family is torn apart. The father’s actions have effected the daughter’s actions. The daughter’s actions have effected the father’s actions. The daughter has, as the drama illustrated sought out men who treat her poorly, she has made poor decisions, and she has hung on to hurt and the need to make her father either love her or completely abandon her. The father is angry, he is sad, he is wanting to correct the person his daughter has become.
The unknown
The problem with this courtroom saga is that there is a whole bunch that we do not know. We do not know the relationship before the mother passed away. We do not know the father’s relationship with the mother. Was he at one time gentle and less distant? Was the daughter always careless, or did the mother’s death cause a reaction in the father and daughter? Did they simply just disregard how the other worked through grief? There are many questions, because much is unknown.
We do not know. The same is true in many of our dealings with one another. I was just driving down the road this morning and some lady looked over and gave me a nasty look, cut me off and stuck her middle finger out of the window. At first I was pissed! But then I realized, I have no idea why she is so angry with me, a stranger. I could have made a traffic error that I was unaware of. Her mother could have just passed away. She could be late for work. She could have found out that she has cancer. I don’t know.
The Known
Many of our collisions and tensions with other human beings however are much more similar to the courtroom. A lot of the time we get to listen to the claims of the other person. A lot of the time we have the opportunity to enter as prophets. We have the opportunity to enter with a truth on our hearts and a willingness to admit where we have faulted.
Much of the time we can ask, “why did you flip me the bird?” and to admit, ‘it really upset my universe. I am sorry if I did something wrong.”
The father and the daughter on this courtroom television show left planning on never speaking to each other again. The father said, “I’ve given her more than enough chances.” The daughter said, “My father has always loved money and himself more than me.”
I hated watching this show. I hated it because I have played the role of the father and the daughter so many stinking times. I have been the most calloused person alive. I have been the most wounded person alive. I have sought to ‘teach a lesson’. I have sought to deliver revenge. But almost every time, it ended just like the show. Severed relationship. Hurt and angry people.
What is so crazy about it is that even years later, and maybe you can relate, I find myself bitching about one of the said, severed relationships. It is as if I believe in my heart that I can fix it by bitching about it.
This is just not true. I know this old man who always says, “My parents did nothing for me. They didn’t help me get my start and they left nothing to me when they died.” I always want to ask him why he tells that story over and over again. One day, he added to his story saying, “So when I die, I’m not leaving the kids anything cause no one did anything for me.”
By playing his bitterness over and over in his mind, it took control of his heart and so he has decided to pass on from generation to generation his hurt and anger. His bitching has spread bitching. No one has learned anything from his continuous recitation of how his parents screwed him.
Two Prophets
Two prophets were in a courtroom and they had a decision to make. They could battle to the death so one could be right and one could be wrong. In being right they could receive a some of money and the knowledge that their prophecy was received. Maybe this is necessary some times?
They had another option though. They could also address one another with their individual perspectives. They could leave out the bull crap that they added to their perspectives to assist the truth that once existed and replace it with sincere apology. They could say, “I’m not even aware of all the ways that I have hurt you… dad… mom… son… daughter… neighbor… friend… enemy… I’m so unaware and I am sorry for being unaware.” They could receive this apology from one another; maybe they could receive it seventy times seven times, over and over again.
Life doesn’t always give us the opportunity to have two prophets leave the courtroom. But I am starting to think that there is much more opportunity for two prophets than there is for one prophet and one broken soul.
I believe that we are good people. I believe that we can look and see when two prophets are perfectly acceptable. But we have to enter into life as prophets to do so. Let us leave our insecurities behind. Let us not support insecurity with jerkiness. Let us walk with truth. Let us willingly admit our wrongs. Let us carefully discern when we have added to truth, making it nothing more than a lie. Let us be prophets.
My grandmother loved Judge Wapner. Do you remember that show? It is still on I believe, with a different Judge as ‘The Peoples Court’. Anyhow, I mention that because as I was lazily flipping through channels this morning, I came across a day time court room show and got caught up in it for a bit.
A father had come to court to sue his daughter, who had asked him to cosign on her lease so that she and her two children, five and thirteen, could get an apartment. After three months of living in the apartment the daughter came upon some difficult times, couldn’t pay the bills and so the father’s role as a cosigner kicked in.
He was suing his daughter for something like $2,375. The daughter’s defense was that her father, as a father, should be willing to help out his daughter when she comes upon difficult times, “That is what parents should do,” she cried.
The thing about those shows is that since they are televised there is a dramatic element included. The plaintiff and defendant are allowed, encouraged and probed to share personal information about their lives and relationships. In this particular case it came to light that when the daughter was around thirteen or so her mother passed away. The father is in the navy and was at the time of his wife’s death as well. So the daughter shared that she had never really known her father. He was always gone and when he was there… HE really wasn’t… there.
As the story continued, we found out that even when the father was home, he was abusive and/or drunk, kicking the daughter out of the house over simple arguments. The father said, “Well a child has to learn from their mistakes.” The daughter then shared that at one point she was removed from the house because her father had hit her. And so as the courtroom drama continued all this STUFF, all of these collisions began to surface. So much so that the father, in defending his claims brought to the judge that his daughter makes bad decisions. He claimed that, “that is why we are here. She makes bad decisions. Her husband is in jail. That is proof enough.” From the time that the daughter entered the courtroom she was weeping. It was as if she couldn’t handle being scolded and ridiculed any longer. The father had scorn in his eyes. It was as if he wanted to ‘fix’ her, once and for all.
Prophets
I keep thinking about that bible story when Jesus talks about a prophet having no honor in his or her own town. Now, if you dislike ‘bible stories’, its all good. But the stories, even outside of the Christian perspective are good stories, so try to stick with me for a minute.
In all four of the gospels Jesus says something along the lines of, “Only in his own town, among his relatives and in his own house, is a prophet without honor.” (this quote taken from Mark 6).
I know how this quote is generally used, but a couple of weeks ago, I went to speak at my old high school and was FREAKING out about it. My freak out led me to meditating, which led me to this verse. I started thinking that it is not only about how the family, relatives, friends, etc see the ‘prophet’ but also how the ‘prophet’ sees him or her self. The story is also about insecurity. So one of the many ways of reading this story, if you will allow me to put it into my own words, is to say, “A prophet is without honor when they do not remember that they are good, that they have something to say, that they have a story, a perspective, a gift, something to offer.” This insecurity that the prophet faces is heightened when the family and relatives and crowds support that insecurity through jerky behaviors. But jerky behavior is heightened when insecurity supports jerky behavior.
So our father and daughter are in this courtroom and lets say that they are both prophets. They both come into this room to share what is on their hearts.
Do you know the story of Jonah? Jonah is a prophet but he displays something about prophets that not many other Jewish prophets display. In the Jewish and Christian traditions we don’t get a lot of Jonah behavior presented to us. One of the things that the Jonah story shows us is that a prophet, among their many other duties has the responsibility of acknowledging their wrong. A prophet is someone then, who shares truth and willingly humbles themselves when they have acted a fool, lied, stolen, lusted, betrayed, slandered, etc, etc, etc.
So two prophets are in a courtroom. A family is torn apart. The father’s actions have effected the daughter’s actions. The daughter’s actions have effected the father’s actions. The daughter has, as the drama illustrated sought out men who treat her poorly, she has made poor decisions, and she has hung on to hurt and the need to make her father either love her or completely abandon her. The father is angry, he is sad, he is wanting to correct the person his daughter has become.
The unknown
The problem with this courtroom saga is that there is a whole bunch that we do not know. We do not know the relationship before the mother passed away. We do not know the father’s relationship with the mother. Was he at one time gentle and less distant? Was the daughter always careless, or did the mother’s death cause a reaction in the father and daughter? Did they simply just disregard how the other worked through grief? There are many questions, because much is unknown.
We do not know. The same is true in many of our dealings with one another. I was just driving down the road this morning and some lady looked over and gave me a nasty look, cut me off and stuck her middle finger out of the window. At first I was pissed! But then I realized, I have no idea why she is so angry with me, a stranger. I could have made a traffic error that I was unaware of. Her mother could have just passed away. She could be late for work. She could have found out that she has cancer. I don’t know.
The Known
Many of our collisions and tensions with other human beings however are much more similar to the courtroom. A lot of the time we get to listen to the claims of the other person. A lot of the time we have the opportunity to enter as prophets. We have the opportunity to enter with a truth on our hearts and a willingness to admit where we have faulted.
Much of the time we can ask, “why did you flip me the bird?” and to admit, ‘it really upset my universe. I am sorry if I did something wrong.”
The father and the daughter on this courtroom television show left planning on never speaking to each other again. The father said, “I’ve given her more than enough chances.” The daughter said, “My father has always loved money and himself more than me.”
I hated watching this show. I hated it because I have played the role of the father and the daughter so many stinking times. I have been the most calloused person alive. I have been the most wounded person alive. I have sought to ‘teach a lesson’. I have sought to deliver revenge. But almost every time, it ended just like the show. Severed relationship. Hurt and angry people.
What is so crazy about it is that even years later, and maybe you can relate, I find myself bitching about one of the said, severed relationships. It is as if I believe in my heart that I can fix it by bitching about it.
This is just not true. I know this old man who always says, “My parents did nothing for me. They didn’t help me get my start and they left nothing to me when they died.” I always want to ask him why he tells that story over and over again. One day, he added to his story saying, “So when I die, I’m not leaving the kids anything cause no one did anything for me.”
By playing his bitterness over and over in his mind, it took control of his heart and so he has decided to pass on from generation to generation his hurt and anger. His bitching has spread bitching. No one has learned anything from his continuous recitation of how his parents screwed him.
Two Prophets
Two prophets were in a courtroom and they had a decision to make. They could battle to the death so one could be right and one could be wrong. In being right they could receive a some of money and the knowledge that their prophecy was received. Maybe this is necessary some times?
They had another option though. They could also address one another with their individual perspectives. They could leave out the bull crap that they added to their perspectives to assist the truth that once existed and replace it with sincere apology. They could say, “I’m not even aware of all the ways that I have hurt you… dad… mom… son… daughter… neighbor… friend… enemy… I’m so unaware and I am sorry for being unaware.” They could receive this apology from one another; maybe they could receive it seventy times seven times, over and over again.
Life doesn’t always give us the opportunity to have two prophets leave the courtroom. But I am starting to think that there is much more opportunity for two prophets than there is for one prophet and one broken soul.
I believe that we are good people. I believe that we can look and see when two prophets are perfectly acceptable. But we have to enter into life as prophets to do so. Let us leave our insecurities behind. Let us not support insecurity with jerkiness. Let us walk with truth. Let us willingly admit our wrongs. Let us carefully discern when we have added to truth, making it nothing more than a lie. Let us be prophets.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Is God a Bastard?
Genesis chapter one gives Christian and Jewish people a pretty good idea about the state of things, “in the beginning.” We read over and over again that, “God saw that it was good.” Every element: light and dark, sky, sea, fish, land, plants, animals, human beings, etc. “God saw that it was good.”
Unlike the other created things, this story explains that human beings were given more than the common declaration, “Good”. They were given blessing, trust and dominion, interaction with God. One take of this is that God loved what God had created so much so that God initiated a relationship with human beings. Another way of saying this is, from the beginning, God has been on our side. Or so the story suggests.
Now, I understand that this story is thought to be cultural myth. I understand that. But the myth is thought to be a reaction of some sort, to the other myths regarding the creation and purpose of the world. Yahweh believers are thought to have loved and valued their relationship with Yahweh to such a degree that they wanted the world, universe, etc to know what differentiated Yahweh from other gods.
Other creation stories, such as Enuma Elish, an ancient Babylonian myth speaks of Humanity being created for the service of the Gods (sixth tablet). And as we dip into these ancient myths, we begin looking at other cultures such as Greek culture and find similar mindsets. Some viewing God or the gods as one who is to be feared, others as one who is to be praised, others as one who is to be followed. But as far as I can tell (and this could be argued- although my personal belief is that evidence is strong) Yahweh is the first God to bless, trust and relinquish everything to those who have been ‘created’. The first God to give for the mere sake of giving. I want to suggest that humans cannot create a God like this.
Personally, I believe it is more impactful to look at the Genesis story as myth. The evidence of its being written at the same time as other creation myths is to strong to ignore. For me though, myth does not suggest the accounts as untrue. If anything (for me), they make the accounts even more impactful and personal. Just as Yahwey comes to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, God has come to us, communicating in a way that we understand. God has come to love us. To inspire us. To bless us. To give to us. To trust us with all that is rightfully Gods.
"I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food."
This seems pretty simple. It is something that I understand. I have never known life where I looked at a tree in the woods and thought, “Oh, that is Dan’s tree. Dan sure has nice trees.” But instead, I see trees, I see fruit and I think, “That is a tree.” Or “That is carrot plant”. And when I think these things, I know that they are mine.
Of course it could be argued that, “The tree in Joe’s yard is not yours, Nathan.” And I would have to give you that one, but honestly, until Joe kills the tree, cutting it down, is it really Joes tree, or is it all of ours? As I drive by the tree, the fruit, etc. I take them in and they are mine. Deer for example, never think of a garden as Dan's or Joe's. Deer go and eat what has been given to them. Things have changed and we hate how the deer think. I can in fact plant a garden with a seed and eat all the fruit I want for free. But things have become, not ours, we as a race have decided that some people have dominion and others do not.
I say, it is our tree, until someone kills it. It is our fruit until someone puts a price on it. The story communicates to me in the way I understand. When I was little, I would eat an apple out of my grandfathers yard and thought, “everybody must like eating apples. Even deer like eating apples."
I now see that the story has changed. God has given the world to us all. But some have abused their dominion. The gift, the trust, the relationship has been manipulated.
The main difference I see in the Yahweh creation story and the others is that Yahweh is good, just as Yahweh’s creation is good. Yahweh loves. Yahweh is selfless and generous. In the other stories, the gods are not good. They are not generous. They manipulate and look out for themselves. Their creation is secondary to their own. Their creations welfare is secondary to their own. Humans create gods like these. These gods are bastards. These gods act like humans. Humans who have ignored that one God called them, "good". (i ignore this too, a lot!)
I’m not sure, but I wonder if we have, in all our economic strivings began to enforce this idea again that God is not good? I wonder if there are a lot of Christian churches who think that Yahweh is not good? We look around us, and something in us suggest that trees cannot be owned and manipulated, but they are. We eat a carrot, unlike a $ menu double cheese and know that something about that carrot is ours; the same feelings come from apples and oranges. But none of these things are ours any longer. And so many of us have begun to desire the $ double cheese. And so Yahweh seems like a bastard. We ask, “What kind of a God would allow children to suffer and innocents to be killed, people to starve, etc. etc. etc?”
I say the kind of God who believes that we can do better. The kind of God who always saw our goodness. The kind of God who blesses us and trusts us to do better. The kind of God who helps us to be better. The kind of God who suggests its not to late.
Yahweh seems like a bastard. I really don’t believe that Yahwey is. Humans, from the beginning have made stories suggesting that god is against us. But somewhere along the line a story was inspired that told us that God is for us and with us and that God blesses and gives and trusts and seeks us out.
In our world, where God seems like a bastard, let me suggest that we, myself included, have only began to revert, seeking the god’s we created in the beginning. No wonder there is chaos, we have created a peace collision.
Unlike the other created things, this story explains that human beings were given more than the common declaration, “Good”. They were given blessing, trust and dominion, interaction with God. One take of this is that God loved what God had created so much so that God initiated a relationship with human beings. Another way of saying this is, from the beginning, God has been on our side. Or so the story suggests.
Now, I understand that this story is thought to be cultural myth. I understand that. But the myth is thought to be a reaction of some sort, to the other myths regarding the creation and purpose of the world. Yahweh believers are thought to have loved and valued their relationship with Yahweh to such a degree that they wanted the world, universe, etc to know what differentiated Yahweh from other gods.
Other creation stories, such as Enuma Elish, an ancient Babylonian myth speaks of Humanity being created for the service of the Gods (sixth tablet). And as we dip into these ancient myths, we begin looking at other cultures such as Greek culture and find similar mindsets. Some viewing God or the gods as one who is to be feared, others as one who is to be praised, others as one who is to be followed. But as far as I can tell (and this could be argued- although my personal belief is that evidence is strong) Yahweh is the first God to bless, trust and relinquish everything to those who have been ‘created’. The first God to give for the mere sake of giving. I want to suggest that humans cannot create a God like this.
Personally, I believe it is more impactful to look at the Genesis story as myth. The evidence of its being written at the same time as other creation myths is to strong to ignore. For me though, myth does not suggest the accounts as untrue. If anything (for me), they make the accounts even more impactful and personal. Just as Yahwey comes to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, God has come to us, communicating in a way that we understand. God has come to love us. To inspire us. To bless us. To give to us. To trust us with all that is rightfully Gods.
"I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food."
This seems pretty simple. It is something that I understand. I have never known life where I looked at a tree in the woods and thought, “Oh, that is Dan’s tree. Dan sure has nice trees.” But instead, I see trees, I see fruit and I think, “That is a tree.” Or “That is carrot plant”. And when I think these things, I know that they are mine.
Of course it could be argued that, “The tree in Joe’s yard is not yours, Nathan.” And I would have to give you that one, but honestly, until Joe kills the tree, cutting it down, is it really Joes tree, or is it all of ours? As I drive by the tree, the fruit, etc. I take them in and they are mine. Deer for example, never think of a garden as Dan's or Joe's. Deer go and eat what has been given to them. Things have changed and we hate how the deer think. I can in fact plant a garden with a seed and eat all the fruit I want for free. But things have become, not ours, we as a race have decided that some people have dominion and others do not.
I say, it is our tree, until someone kills it. It is our fruit until someone puts a price on it. The story communicates to me in the way I understand. When I was little, I would eat an apple out of my grandfathers yard and thought, “everybody must like eating apples. Even deer like eating apples."
I now see that the story has changed. God has given the world to us all. But some have abused their dominion. The gift, the trust, the relationship has been manipulated.
The main difference I see in the Yahweh creation story and the others is that Yahweh is good, just as Yahweh’s creation is good. Yahweh loves. Yahweh is selfless and generous. In the other stories, the gods are not good. They are not generous. They manipulate and look out for themselves. Their creation is secondary to their own. Their creations welfare is secondary to their own. Humans create gods like these. These gods are bastards. These gods act like humans. Humans who have ignored that one God called them, "good". (i ignore this too, a lot!)
I’m not sure, but I wonder if we have, in all our economic strivings began to enforce this idea again that God is not good? I wonder if there are a lot of Christian churches who think that Yahweh is not good? We look around us, and something in us suggest that trees cannot be owned and manipulated, but they are. We eat a carrot, unlike a $ menu double cheese and know that something about that carrot is ours; the same feelings come from apples and oranges. But none of these things are ours any longer. And so many of us have begun to desire the $ double cheese. And so Yahweh seems like a bastard. We ask, “What kind of a God would allow children to suffer and innocents to be killed, people to starve, etc. etc. etc?”
I say the kind of God who believes that we can do better. The kind of God who always saw our goodness. The kind of God who blesses us and trusts us to do better. The kind of God who helps us to be better. The kind of God who suggests its not to late.
Yahweh seems like a bastard. I really don’t believe that Yahwey is. Humans, from the beginning have made stories suggesting that god is against us. But somewhere along the line a story was inspired that told us that God is for us and with us and that God blesses and gives and trusts and seeks us out.
In our world, where God seems like a bastard, let me suggest that we, myself included, have only began to revert, seeking the god’s we created in the beginning. No wonder there is chaos, we have created a peace collision.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Two Worlds Collide
So I grew up in a small town. Now, that doesn’t have a whole lot to do with what I am going to write about except to say that in smaller rural communities, diversity is fairly uncommon. I love where I grew up; it formed me, shaped me and continues to give me profound perspective. But the truth is, in comparison to Chicago, even Peoria, IL the area is fairly similar in mindset…
Getting off track for a moment…
It would be unfair to discount all diversity. I am beginning to see how even in small communities diversity exists. Often times people like me underplay this diversity because in comparison to the difference between African American, Chinese, Korean, Native American and White culture, for example, the diversity seems less significant.
At the heart of diversity however I’m not so sure anymore that it is. Where I grew up, there were (to narrow it down and speak of it quickly), in my high school a few subgroups: Jocks, Stoners, Intellectuals, Artists, ‘Dirties’ (or the less fortunate and socially awkward), etc. The dominant group or ideal was for the most part the ‘Jock’ group. This group was the most ‘White’ and ‘normal’ and socially acceptable. Within these diversities, there was tension, shame, ridicule, etc. So even in this context there was diversity.
Attempting to get back on track….
Still, in comparison to Chicago and a more urban setting, the diversity of my upbringing was minimal; not less significant, but less obvious. You couldn’t see it (for the most part) by looking at a face, color, and ethnicity.
But in ideas and beliefs and behaviors the diversity was abundantly present. Now, one way of dealing with difference is to give it a title and a definition.
Disclaimer…
Please understand that what I am going to write about here, the subject matter, is not intended to stir up emotion or reaction or debate, etc. When it does stir up emotion and reaction in you, as it does me, let it be a peace collision. Peace collisions are not necessarily bad. In fact, at another time, I will explore their significance.*
Title and definition…
Similar to peace collisions, titles and definitions are not necessarily bad. They can be bad and too often are, in that people use them as power grabs (me especially). When they are used as power grabs they often become the source of personal and social manipulation.
Here we go… read the disclaimer again if you need to: Homosexuality
In the church, there has been a stance on this issue. The stance has been in place for a long time. Probably since 60-90 a.d., there has been a stance. Predominantly the stance began and ended with the thought that a person practicing such a behavior could not be in leadership within the church. The church considered this behavior to be sinful. For the most part, though, particularly in Jesus’ time this was a far as it needed to go. After that, a person thought to be in the act was (in history) treated as any ‘nonbeliever’ would have been treated; with love. Now… obviously the church has in some cases heightened this stance and in some cases weakened this stance. And as result, in the last forty or so years, since the sexual revolution this issue has become a major source of debate, hostility, etc. within the church.
Where I grew up, in the religious environment that I grew up in there was a strong stance. My ‘normalcy’ heightened the churches original stance and made homosexuality to be a prominent issue within the life of the church.
This of course happened because of …peace collision. One understanding and thought (which made group A happy) collided with another understanding and thought (which made group B happy).
So from an early age, I understood (see disclaimer) homosexuality to be a grave sin. I believed having this stance was as important to Christianity as the death and resurrection of Jesus himself.
When two worlds smacked into each other (HARD)
In the fifth grade, my brother, mother and I went on a family vacation to Arizona. My mother’s high school music teacher, Dorma lived there and they were, until Dorma’s death (a peace collision for my mother) very close friends.
This trip was special for my brother and I because my father, who lived in Colorado was coming to meet us. After we arrived in Arizona, we probably did something like go to our hotel and then… we went and meet dad. Dad had his roommate with him. I don’t remember his name; he was a nice guy though. So, we met dad and his roommate, had a meal or something, hung out, etc and then went back to mom.
At some point that evening, my brother said to me, “Nate, I think dad’s roommate is gay.” He was, he definitely was. We agreed on this and as far as I knew, dad, like no one I had previously met… knew a gay man.
Mom’s music teacher had a grandson. On this trip we became friends and he said to me one evening, “I just want to tell you, because I think it is bogus that no one is going to that your DAD IS GAY.” PEACE COLLISION.
Everything I had previously known exploded in my face. “What the hell is going on? Is anything true? Who am I? Who is mom? Who is Dad? Who is… God?”
I am now able to see how I have, and in some ways still do, live in reaction to this moment. This one moment. One moment that changed my whole perspective. For along time I tucked the reality that had confronted me away and would pull it out occasionally for a nice cry or something of the sort. Instead, I see now, I would seek out things like pot and cocaine and liquor. Its almost as if I didn’t want to deal with how my peace had been shaken.
Closing Remarks
Take from this what you will. It is my experience and when compared to others it is very minimal and insignificant.
The reality that I really want to express is this…. EVERYONE HAS PEACE COLLISIONS. I would like to explore this later on as well.* Everyone has stuff, shit, crap, whatever you need to call it, everyone has it. Some people do not even know that its there. I am close to twenty years out and am just now realizing that this one moment, when my peace was kicked around, has shaped who I am and how I behave and how I think. I am just now feeling free from it.
This freedom is coming because I am talking about my stuff, my collisions. We didn’t do a lot of that where I grew up. It wasn’t the norm. We didn’t even know that we should. We were afraid.
I really feel a strong desire to take it easier on people. People are dealing with some stuff. And the church, which I love and believe in, is scared of stuff. History shows this. Scripture shows this. You and I show this. This is why group A fights with group B and why B fights with A. They are scared. Scared of each other, scared of being wrong, scared of being right… scared.
I am scared. I am scared because I know that there is truth. I believe it to be in the living word of Jesus. But this living word, for some reason has not seen it fit to deny us peace collisions and stuff, etc. I really think the worst thing we can do is to say, “Truth at all cost”. I believe this because “truth at all cost” leads to war and violence and hate. It doesn’t really seek truth, it seeks comfort but most of the time that comfort isn’t even comfortable, it is angry and agenda driven. It seeks to make things black and white in a world where people have STUFF.
Lets take it easier on each other. Don’t deny truth. But don’t deny people the opportunity to work though stuff either. (see disclaimer)
Getting off track for a moment…
It would be unfair to discount all diversity. I am beginning to see how even in small communities diversity exists. Often times people like me underplay this diversity because in comparison to the difference between African American, Chinese, Korean, Native American and White culture, for example, the diversity seems less significant.
At the heart of diversity however I’m not so sure anymore that it is. Where I grew up, there were (to narrow it down and speak of it quickly), in my high school a few subgroups: Jocks, Stoners, Intellectuals, Artists, ‘Dirties’ (or the less fortunate and socially awkward), etc. The dominant group or ideal was for the most part the ‘Jock’ group. This group was the most ‘White’ and ‘normal’ and socially acceptable. Within these diversities, there was tension, shame, ridicule, etc. So even in this context there was diversity.
Attempting to get back on track….
Still, in comparison to Chicago and a more urban setting, the diversity of my upbringing was minimal; not less significant, but less obvious. You couldn’t see it (for the most part) by looking at a face, color, and ethnicity.
But in ideas and beliefs and behaviors the diversity was abundantly present. Now, one way of dealing with difference is to give it a title and a definition.
Disclaimer…
Please understand that what I am going to write about here, the subject matter, is not intended to stir up emotion or reaction or debate, etc. When it does stir up emotion and reaction in you, as it does me, let it be a peace collision. Peace collisions are not necessarily bad. In fact, at another time, I will explore their significance.*
Title and definition…
Similar to peace collisions, titles and definitions are not necessarily bad. They can be bad and too often are, in that people use them as power grabs (me especially). When they are used as power grabs they often become the source of personal and social manipulation.
Here we go… read the disclaimer again if you need to: Homosexuality
In the church, there has been a stance on this issue. The stance has been in place for a long time. Probably since 60-90 a.d., there has been a stance. Predominantly the stance began and ended with the thought that a person practicing such a behavior could not be in leadership within the church. The church considered this behavior to be sinful. For the most part, though, particularly in Jesus’ time this was a far as it needed to go. After that, a person thought to be in the act was (in history) treated as any ‘nonbeliever’ would have been treated; with love. Now… obviously the church has in some cases heightened this stance and in some cases weakened this stance. And as result, in the last forty or so years, since the sexual revolution this issue has become a major source of debate, hostility, etc. within the church.
Where I grew up, in the religious environment that I grew up in there was a strong stance. My ‘normalcy’ heightened the churches original stance and made homosexuality to be a prominent issue within the life of the church.
This of course happened because of …peace collision. One understanding and thought (which made group A happy) collided with another understanding and thought (which made group B happy).
So from an early age, I understood (see disclaimer) homosexuality to be a grave sin. I believed having this stance was as important to Christianity as the death and resurrection of Jesus himself.
When two worlds smacked into each other (HARD)
In the fifth grade, my brother, mother and I went on a family vacation to Arizona. My mother’s high school music teacher, Dorma lived there and they were, until Dorma’s death (a peace collision for my mother) very close friends.
This trip was special for my brother and I because my father, who lived in Colorado was coming to meet us. After we arrived in Arizona, we probably did something like go to our hotel and then… we went and meet dad. Dad had his roommate with him. I don’t remember his name; he was a nice guy though. So, we met dad and his roommate, had a meal or something, hung out, etc and then went back to mom.
At some point that evening, my brother said to me, “Nate, I think dad’s roommate is gay.” He was, he definitely was. We agreed on this and as far as I knew, dad, like no one I had previously met… knew a gay man.
Mom’s music teacher had a grandson. On this trip we became friends and he said to me one evening, “I just want to tell you, because I think it is bogus that no one is going to that your DAD IS GAY.” PEACE COLLISION.
Everything I had previously known exploded in my face. “What the hell is going on? Is anything true? Who am I? Who is mom? Who is Dad? Who is… God?”
I am now able to see how I have, and in some ways still do, live in reaction to this moment. This one moment. One moment that changed my whole perspective. For along time I tucked the reality that had confronted me away and would pull it out occasionally for a nice cry or something of the sort. Instead, I see now, I would seek out things like pot and cocaine and liquor. Its almost as if I didn’t want to deal with how my peace had been shaken.
Closing Remarks
Take from this what you will. It is my experience and when compared to others it is very minimal and insignificant.
The reality that I really want to express is this…. EVERYONE HAS PEACE COLLISIONS. I would like to explore this later on as well.* Everyone has stuff, shit, crap, whatever you need to call it, everyone has it. Some people do not even know that its there. I am close to twenty years out and am just now realizing that this one moment, when my peace was kicked around, has shaped who I am and how I behave and how I think. I am just now feeling free from it.
This freedom is coming because I am talking about my stuff, my collisions. We didn’t do a lot of that where I grew up. It wasn’t the norm. We didn’t even know that we should. We were afraid.
I really feel a strong desire to take it easier on people. People are dealing with some stuff. And the church, which I love and believe in, is scared of stuff. History shows this. Scripture shows this. You and I show this. This is why group A fights with group B and why B fights with A. They are scared. Scared of each other, scared of being wrong, scared of being right… scared.
I am scared. I am scared because I know that there is truth. I believe it to be in the living word of Jesus. But this living word, for some reason has not seen it fit to deny us peace collisions and stuff, etc. I really think the worst thing we can do is to say, “Truth at all cost”. I believe this because “truth at all cost” leads to war and violence and hate. It doesn’t really seek truth, it seeks comfort but most of the time that comfort isn’t even comfortable, it is angry and agenda driven. It seeks to make things black and white in a world where people have STUFF.
Lets take it easier on each other. Don’t deny truth. But don’t deny people the opportunity to work though stuff either. (see disclaimer)
FYI
This idea(peace collision), kind of fell into my lap. I sat at the blogger creator for about 45 min typing in different names, etc. It is turning out to be fun. Thanks God for directing me to something fruitful.
Collision: more than I perceived
I was driving to class last evening thinking about peace collisions and it hit me that possibly there are many more peace collisions in life than I give credit.
Yesterday when I began this blog, I was directly associating peace collisions with the Christian faith, my Christian experience, etc. But as I thought about it, I realized that my life has been a series of peace collisions. I won’t cover them all right now. In the next few min, I will cover what I can and then post more at another time. I am going to try to star things, so that hopefully I can tie them in at another time. Ignore that, its is for my own thought process.
Childhood: Two Parents and then One
I grew up in central IL in a pretty small community. You would probably want to consider my location as ‘country’*. There was a town of approximately 100 about a mile away, but I guess my experience was ‘country’. My earliest memory is the day my father and mother split up. I do not remember any fighting, etc but I remember dad leaving with a garbage bag full of somethings. Now, I assume that the process was longer than this. He probably spent days or weeks, or maybe even a month or so cleaning out his things. So why do I have this one memory?
In no effort to be a psychologist, I am guessing that I had some sort of peace collision. I had a norm. That norm was my mother and father and my twin brother and I. We were my normal. My mom and dad both say that I was very in love with my dad as a small child (dad, I still am). As I understand I would cuddle with him, follow him, etc. So it makes sense that the separation of my mother and father would distract, upset and hurt in some ways. Even to the point of making a big traumatic event into one quiet, dark scene. So there was this event that upset my peace. I’ll bet my brother and mother and father, all have their individual memories and accounts of this upset as well. I think I was 2 or 3 when this took place. And so until now, I had always considered my normalcy (the normalcy I spoke of yesterday) as something that I knew without a two parent household. But my normalcy, my understanding, way of life, experience all started before my earliest memory.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
My First (or thereabouts) Peace Collision
The first time I was hit with a realization that Christianity is difficult I became confused.
I read and had read passages such as Acts 2:42-47 saying,
“42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people."
Early On
Early in this faith struggle I believed that everything that I was experiencing was just this. It seemed as though I was 1) being taught, 2) discussing and learning with friends, 3) taking communion/remembering and 4) praying. And while I participated in such events I was in awe and I believe I actually saw signs of wonder. I had much in common with my community. My community seemed generous. My community seemed to strive to gather as much as possible. And we were glad and sincere as we praised God.
I do not want to down play the purity of that experience. To a large degree all of these things were true. Some were learned. Some were imagined. But in my heart they were true. In my brain nothing seemed more real and present.
I then received a calling to “pastor”.
Seminary
When I came to seminary, the world around me changed. The faith of central a central Illinois country boy would no longer cut it. There were people talking about Calvinism and Arminianism, pre-millennialism, A-millennialism and post-millennialismism… and all the while… they were arguing. I began to argue and take firm stances on things that, weeks before I didn’t care a wink about. I became a little cynical and bitter. I had always been a bit of an ass, but overly passionate and bitter are two very different things.
My peaceful Christianity seemed to collide with the unknown and unfamiliar. I hated it. I thought, “Maybe I am not a Christian.” And, “Maybe I have not received a calling.” For a long time though, I played the game. I thought, “If this is how it is, I must be wrong.” And so I changed, or tried to anyway.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that in changing, I was telling myself that my purity, my experience, my passion didn’t matter and that what mattered was normalcy and evangelicalism and an even flow of things that… weeks ago, months ago… years ago… meant nothing to me. I sold myself into slavery.
Isn’t that what slavery did? Didn’t it grab up people who had experience and passion and belief and ways of life, etc, etc, etc, and tell them, “Your ways mean nothing, join ours, believe ours, be ours, transform to our normalcy”?
Disclaimer
I do not mean to write of Seminary (or Seminary School as I use to call it, before being scorned and giggled at).
What I mean to say is that faith is messy. In my experience anyway it has been messy. I went through many periods where I grabbed and oppressed and whipped and scolded everyone who was different than me. I did this before Seminary and I continue to. But what I am beginning to see is the value of each and every perspective. And this is not to say that were Christianity differs from another view, Christianity is simply, ‘another view.’ It is to say, experience, perspective, way of life, whatever-you-will counts.
We need peace collisions. We need our normalcy shaken and stirred and evaluated.
I need this. Fundamentalists need this. Liberals need this. Humanity needs this, so that we can look and see that God is big. Christ is big. The Spirit, as it works in mysterious ways, is big.
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